Extra Credit: Paragraphs

     Previously, I said that my biggest issues were embedding quotes, and using focused commentary. What did I do to fix this? Umm... I paid specific attention to the quotes in my paragraph in order to make sure that they were properly embedded within the text. As a result, the quotes in my second paragraph are much more skillfully embedded. It was rather hard not to focus the commentary within the paragraph, seeing as I was writing about something that was the same length as the paragraph. This second time, I paid more attention, and spent more time on the things that I struggled with last time, and the result is what I think is a better, more focused piece of writing.